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What do you do when your spiritual high from Ramadan crashes and you’re now in a dip?

First, take in some deep breaths and slowly exhale out the overwhelming feelings in your body.

Second, remember you aren’t the only one who may be grappling with this- there are other fellow Muslims who are experiencing this too.

Third, this dip isn’t indicative of something wrong with your faith.

Sometimes we need a mindset and internal shift as we lean more into hope and reframe how we view connecting with Allah. And finally, you can start the shift simply by reflecting.

I might have just given you the brief overview of what you can do, but let’s slice it thinner.

To do that though let’s zoom out first and remember: everyone’s post-Ramadan experience will be different- and that’s OKAY. 

If you aren’t experiencing post-Ramadan blues the way others are (or any at all) and actually feel relief because your routine is back to normal, that too is okay. There is no judgment here.

But let’s just say you are struggling with how you felt spiritually connected to your acts of worship in Ramadan and right now you don’t, then perhaps you will find this post helpful.

The first thing we want to do as we embark on this exploration of post-Ramadan blues is to tap into self-compassion. Self-compassion, which I am always mentioning to my clients, friends, family, and yes, even myself, is KEY. You need to tap into self-compassion as you ask yourself these questions:

• Are you struggling with the dip?
• Are you judging yourself for the dip?
• Are you questioning your faith?
• Are you feeling worried about your connection to Allah?
• Are you feeling sad that your connection doesn’t feel the same?

Answering these questions may be difficult as it requires some deeper reflection, so take your time with them.

If you are judging yourself for struggling, then it will be harder to make space to work on reconnecting with Allah. 

That’s why you need to identify this for yourself: Am I judging myself for my struggle? Am I using this dip as a way to label my connection with Allah? If I am, how is judging myself impacting my connection with Allah? (chances are it’s making it harder for you to reconnect because you are being swamped with guilt and shame instead of reframing it as an opportunity to reconnect).

The next thing we want to do, after you have answered these questions- with self-compassion, of course- is to reframe how you looked at your acts of worship in Ramadan and your understanding of your connection with Allah outside of Ramadan.

The truth is these two are BIG topics and a blog post won’t do justice to them- especially the latter. But I will try to show how if we aren’t careful a skewed understanding of both can actually hold us back from connecting with Allah. I hope it will lead to some insight for you.

Let’s tackle the first one: acts of worship in Ramadan.

Oftentimes, I have found with my clients that during Ramadan the emphasis becomes on EVERY SINGLE THING YOU CAN DO during this holy month. It ultimately becomes a checklist and instead of allowing you to develop and nurture a stronger relationship with Allah, the list and actions become something heavy and tinged with “failure or success” if not everything is completed. This approach then carries after Ramadan ends- the emphasis becomes on the number of deeds and not the connection with Allah. Or the emphasis is MORE on the deeds being accomplished rather than the connection with Allah WHILE doing ANY good deed or act of worship.

So the questions to ask yourself (again with self-compassion and curiosity) are:

• How am I viewing my acts of worship?
• Are they meant to be something I have to do to prove my connection to Allah?
• How do I feel when I do them and when I don’t do them?
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The answers to these questions may give you more insight as to whether you have fallen into a mindset of “ this is a to-do list” instead of intentionally doing each act. The former mindset can potentially, when overwhelmed by fear, perfectionism, worry, and self-judgment, take us away from connecting with Allah while the latter view allows us to look at any action we do as an act of worship and opportunity to get closer to Allah.

By the way, in no way am I advocating that we don’t focus on doing good deeds and increasing our acts of worship. We know that our acts of worship is what draws us closer to Allah. (From a Qudsi hadith: My servant draws not near to Me with anything more loved by Me than the religious duties I have enjoined upon him, and My servant continues to draw near to Me with supererogatory works so that I shall love him.) BUT when the focus becomes on only the act of worship being completed and not the intention and energy we are putting in and whether it is nourishing our connection with Allah, it can actually backfire.

We end up feeling more worried about getting it done to mark it off. Then when we don’t get it done it leads to “I’m doing this all wrong.” The emotions that follow are fear, guilt, shame, embarrassment, regret and even anger.

What would it be like if we flipped it? Instead of focusing on what we didn’t do, what if we asked ourselves: “I couldn’t do this today but how else can I connect with Allah?” Instead of focusing on the guilt for not completing a task because we were running around doing home chores, what if we reminded ourselves of how ANY ACT can become worship if we do it with the intention of pleasing Allah?

Which framework do you think in the long run will serve you better when it comes to connecting with Allah? Which emotional backdrop will propel you to go forward and try to connect with Allah more? I know from personal experience and from work with my clients, it’s the latter connection that gives you the space to grow in your relationship with Allah and consequently, lead to an increase in the good you do. The former will keep you stuck in a loop of regret, guilt and unfortunately, make it harder to connect with Allah.

Finally, let’s look at how we understand our connection with Allah in terms of Ramadan. Many may look forward to Ramadan as the time to boost our connection with Allah- after all, shaytan is locked up, we are fasting collectively, we are doing the extra taraweeh prayers, the last ten nights are major opportunities for acceptance, forgiveness and rewriting our destiny. We are suddenly listening more to podcasts and lectures about the beauty of Ramadan, the excitement surrounding it, and the importance of not judging anyone during this month. NO WONDER so many of us feel super connected to Allah during this time (and on the flip side, this approach actually shames those who may be struggling). Then when Ramadan ends, for some it feels like the rug got pulled from underneath. There is a feeling of “oh my God, why am I not feeling the same way?” But the question to ask ourselves is: how can we use Ramadan as a way to set our relationship with Allah for the rest of the year? Or another question: How can I continue to work on my relationship with Allah now that Ramadan has ended?

Because Allah is ALWAYS there- Ramadan or not. Allah always answers our duas- 10 nights or not. Allah ALWAYS hears us- it doesn’t matter which month. Yes, duas are accepted when we open our fast, but not just fasts in Ramadan but ANY fasts. Yes, duas are accepted when we make sujood but during ANY salah. When we forget that Ramadan is one month of the year (yes, a special one but still one month) and that we have the remainder of the year to work on our relationship with Allah, it’s easy to feel a sense of loss of connection. When we focus on just actions done during Ramadan, we may demand perfection from ourselves in terms of our actions both during Ramadan and afterwards. The emphasis on just feeling spiritually high in Ramadan begins to backfire. So we need to reframe it.

What if the questions we asked ourselves were: How can I continue to nurture my relationship with Allah post Ramadan? How can I connect with Allah in all of the other beautiful moments throughout my day? How can I continue to express gratitude to Allah for all Allah has given me? While Ramadan is a beautiful time, our connection with Allah and our acts of worship need to go beyond Ramadan. Ramadan is meant to be a reset time- not the ONLY time. Ramadan is meant to help us recharge so we can grow for the remainder of the year. Self-compassion, reflection, and mindset shifts is what will allow us to continue to grow for the remainder of the year.

So when you find yourself struggling to make dua and wonder why it doesn’t feel as passionate as it did in Ramadan, ask yourself what changed. Ask yourself “How did I view what I did during Ramadan to what I am doing now?” Be curious. Be gentle. Be kind. And know that this is a journey of growth, of different stops and milestones, of ups and downs- not a linear path that’s just shooting straight up. Finally throughout it all, ask Allah for guidance and clarity while reminding yourself Allah is closer to you than your jugular vein.